Queen of the Yo-yo's: Round Infinity

When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or the reflection of a window or in a photograph, it takes me a moment to figure out who I'm looking at. For a nanosecond I am confused as to why this fat, middle aged (if I'm being generous) woman is gazing at me with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

Then — in less than an instant — I realize that I'm gazing upon a reflection of myself. And it makes me sad and embarrassed and a little bit angry. At the world. But mostly at myself. 

Quite some time ago, my mirror stopped being a reflection of who I really am. That person doesn't represent the way I see myself. Or feel about myself. Or how I want others to see me. At. All.

I've decided it's time for my outsides to match the way I feel on the inside: 

• young, 
• vibrant, 
• energetic, 
• optimistic, 
• happy.

I'm embarking on a journey. 

I'm going to explore, discover and learn about living a healthier lifestyle. I'm going to acknowledge my past, my struggles and try to help the part of me that tries to love myself and heal myself and comfort myself with food. Because that's not really love, is it?

So, I've taken the first steps. A few weeks ago I started working with a personal trainer to improve my strength, stamina and cardiovascular health. And, I'm committed to eating healthier too. Yesterday we bought lots of healthy food and today I'm cooking up and cleaning up and cutting up and containering up all kinds of nummie, nutritious bites to eat this week at home and at work.

Blackberries and Greek yogurt 

 Hard Boileds

Veggies Galore

Oranches

Crock-pot Chicken Chili

Pan Roasted Chicken with Garlic, Onion Powder & Paprika

Those of you that know me, know I've tried this before. 

Many, many times. And I've had some short-term success. I'm pretty much queen of the yo-yo's. So, technically, the odds aren't in my favor. But you know what? If I give up, I will never succeed. And I want to be healthy. I want to feel good about myself. I want my husband and family to be proud of me, not ashamed. And more importantly, I want to be proud of myself. Not ashamed.

That means, no matter how many times I fail, I need to (as the song says) get up, brush myself off and start all over again. Each time I try I learn more about myself and about getting healthy. 

I am blessed to have a wonderful life. I am very happy and thankful for everything I have. But I'm far from satisfied. There's more out there for me. Even with all I have; I still deserve more. And I'm going to be greedy and I'm ready to go out there and take what's mine!

Rawr.